Getting kids to complete schooling and homework presents numerous obstacles for parents. Many kids will simply declare, "I don't care!" when asked why they aren't doing their homework or studying for an upcoming test. Discovering your child's non-academic drivers will help you better encourage them in school.
One easy way to do this is to ask your kid what he or she values most, and then use it as a bargaining chip when it comes to completing schoolwork. Social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram can be quite inspiring for certain children who might benefit from having more "likes" or "following," therefore it's important to monitor how much time they spend on these platforms.
Your child might be motivated in many different ways. One method would be to explain why you're interested in their academic success and how it will benefit you. If your kid is athletically inclined, for instance, explain to them how much more successful they will be in their chosen field if they have a solid education.
Another tactic is to promise your child a special treat like ice cream tonight after supper if they do well on this week's homework. When kids remark, "I don't care!" about school, having a conversation with them about these issues can do wonders for inspiring them to learn.
How to Encourage Your Child to Try Harder When They Say "I Don't Care"
Do you feel like your kid just doesn't give a crap about anything?
It's common for parents to believe believe if they can just discover the right method of motivation, their child would suddenly start excelling.
No, I don't think that's how it works. The issue, in my opinion, is that these children are inspired to push back, pull back, and underachieve. They're acting in to express themselves.
Teens and preteens who don't seem interested in anything need to know one thing first: it's unthinkable to lack motivation. Everyone has their own individual drivers.
And these young people are inspired to put up a fight and do nothing.
Realize that inaction is itself a course of action. This behaviour is indicative of defiance towards authority figures such as parents and educators. This encourages them to show that "I don't care" through their behaviour.
Realizing that your teen is driven to do nothing will help you see that she actually exerts a great deal of effort into this "nothing." She makes a concerted effort to ignore you and avoid contact with you.
Adolescents who struggle to succeed often make what I term "thinking errors" in our conversations together. It has been said:
- It's just too challenging.
- "I can't."
- As the saying goes, "It doesn't matter."
- They mainly just shrug and say, "I don't care."
As a matter of fact, "I don't care" is both their sword and their shield. Saying "I don't care" relieves stress and gives people a sense of power. Therefore, saying "I don't care" helps individuals feel better whenever anxiety begins to set in.
- Nervousness of making a mistake? "I couldn't care less."
- You say it's difficult to achieve? The response was, "I don't care."
It's how they tackle the most fundamental issues of daily living.
Accepting that you have no control over your child's level of concern is the initial step in solving this problem. Let's be honest here; the adage "You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink" is absolutely accurate.
However, you have the ability to make him thirsty. Managing a youngster who says, "I don't care," requires you to take that stance.
When your slacker kid declares, "I don't care," here's what to do next.
Recognize Potential Rewards and Incentives
Attempt to find stuff that can serve as incentives for your kid. Focus on learning your child's interests and passions. And despite the fact that he'll tell you he doesn't, you shouldn't rely on his word for it. In his opinion, "nothing matters."
But take a look at what he's doing. You already understand what he enjoys if he spends time doing any of the following: watching TV, playing computer games, playing video games, or texting his buddies.
Has he ever been to a movie theatre? Do he take pleasure in fishing? Make a list of all the activities and hobbies he enjoys doing.
In the event of youngsters who have a tendency to withhold, it is suggested that parents sit with them and make this list together. A child who resorts to passive-aggressive tactics won't tell you what's bothering him. Don't forget that his method of command is to withhold.
When you have a list of his interests, you may use those items to motivate and reward him.
Parents, please know that a youngster who refuses to do his homework or his duties is not always depressed. You should seek professional help if your child refuses to leave his room, shows little interest in anything, and is frequently isolated and withdrawn.
Remove All Electronics From His Space
Children who are not making adequate academic progress should not have access to personal electronic devices. In this light, you should recognise that their bedroom serves merely as a retreat for them.
When you have a kid who never leaves his room, the living room is the best place to keep the computer. Plus, he has to be with other people if he intends to make use of it.
In addition, he shouldn't have any electronic entertainment in there, such a television or video games. Don't give him his phone either if he's not onstage.
Insist That Your Kid Work for Special Treats
It's necessary to use accountability measures with youngsters who aren't motivated at times. Be sure that whatever you get is completely deserved. If these youngsters don't do what they're supposed to, they'll have a tough time of it.
Get kids to work every day to earn their video games. The question is, how do they acquire them? Simply by putting in the effort required in studying and keeping the house clean. Same idea: they have to work for their phone today, and then they have to start over again tomorrow.
This is how things actually are. It's impossible to have money and material possessions if you don't put in the effort to earn them.
Discuss Your Child's Wishes with Them
The best moment to discuss your child's future wishes is when times are good. Then, subtly introduce new concepts in the hopes of stimulating your child's imagination about how he can realise his goals.
Have a seat and say to your kiddo:
- So, tell me, exactly what sort car are you hoping to purchase? Like Jeeps?
- You should prompt him to describe his ideal situation. Why? So that you can explain to them afterwards,
- "Look, I love about you and desire that you get that vehicle you're not likely to obtain it by if you don't your research."
It is the way I would speak to your child beginning in early adolescence. In this context, you might say:
- "Consider how nice it will be to own your own home someday. In what sort of environment do you feel most comfortable?
Adolescents are motivated by things like these because they reflect their worldview. They are looking for a place to live. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is important to them. And they're hoping to get one soon.
In that case, discuss the steps necessary to achieve your goals.
And keep in mind, it's not the best idea to lecture your adolescent or preteen into doing what you want them to. Instead, convince them that fulfilling their obligations is beneficial since it paves the way to the future they want for themselves.
Discourage Noise and Arguments.
Shouting only communicates your frustration and gives your youngster the impression that he is in charge.
The truth is that whenever people start shouting, they've already exhausted all reasonable options. I think it's important to keep your calm among students who aren't performing up to par. If your kid is employing delaying as a relationship strategy, you won't achieve much by arguing with them or pleading with them to talk about how they feel.
In my perspective, if you give yourself five minutes, you can attempt just about everything. You can talk it out, use logic, and even enquire as to how your youngster is feeling. It's acceptable to enquire, "Is there a problem?" Keep in mind that a habitual withholder will have an incentive to disregard you.
Explain to Your Kid That Her Actions Have an Impact on You
The actions your child does are important to you, so tell her that. Put your own spin on it by writing:
- To put it simply, it means to me. You have my concern. You have my best wishes. Nothing I say or do will ever force you to do anything against your will. But it's important to me, because I adore you.
Please don't take it personally if I suggest adding the phrase "It matters to me" to help parents connect with their children. Taking your child's incorrect behaviour personally means attributing it to you. There is no such thing. Their actions reveal their coping mechanism.
Relationships are powerful sources of motivation, which is why the "It Matters to Me" notion is useful. However, please keep in mind that your kid is still his or her own unique person. If she doesn't want to play, that has nothing to do with you. You need just arrange matters in such a way as to raise the odds of her carrying out her obligations.
Again, this is not a reflection on you, so don't feel like you have to force her to comply. The truth is that you cannot force her to do anything she does not like to. However, she is answerable to you.
Stay Out of Your Kid’s Homework.
Young children quickly learn that giving up and appearing helpless leads to rescue. The ability to appear helpless can be used to manipulate others into doing your bidding. This is called "learned helplessness" in the field of psychology. This makes you feel increasingly helpless over time. It's an unfavourable lesson all around.
Use of this short cut prevents young people from developing a sense of autonomy. In fact, many families with this problem didn't encourage their children to develop their own sense of autonomy. Maybe everything had to be done a certain way and they had no say in the matter. They surrendered after a while. The group eventually gave up and surrendered.
No matter the cause of your child's learned helplessness, it's crucial that you cease doing things for him that he should be able to perform on his own. Avoid doing his assignments for him. Don't help him out by doing his work. Don't be a helper and fold his clothes. Don't stop him from doing it. You can offer assistance when asked, but you shouldn't perform his work for him.
Adolescents need to gain a sense of autonomy, which is among the most crucial developmental tasks. And if you do things for him, you're robbing him of the chance to develop responsibility and self-reliance.
Teach Your Kid How to Win
It's a fact that many of our children's best efforts in sports are prompted by their coaches. Their role is to encourage kids to work on their weaknesses.
A competent coach is continuously working to improve his players by providing them with difficult opportunities and personalised praise for their efforts to improve:
- Wow, that was a sweet layup by Adam. You did a much better job of placing your hands in the proper positions. Continue in this vein.
When your children successfully complete an obligation, you should do so as well.
A competent coach is also not one who relies on empty compliments to inspire his team. It's not useful to tell someone they're amazing when they they aren't. Young people, like grownups, are able to see through empty compliments and gushing praise. Furthermore, the opposite is generally the case.
The coaching method of raising children is one that all parents should get familiar with. Keep your kid's sights set on the future. Instead of praising them on their greatness if they haven't tried, comment on the steps they've taken to improve.
Implement Structured Deadlines
Your child should know exactly when you expect them to complete their homework and duties. I believe it is crucial to provide these children with a timetable in order to provide them some form of structure. The following are some things you can tell your kid:
- After you finish your afternoon duties by 4:00, you can relax until supper time. And when you've got time off, you may do whatever you choose."
One of several possible outcomes. The following is an example of what you might say
- We'll see your cousin on Saturday if you can finish this in X hours.
Keep in mind that not all of the activities on your child's list will require financial investment.
Child And Teen Behavior Strategy: Loss Of Privilege
The Fundamentals of Loss of Privilege
When a child misbehaves, a parent can use the threat of losing a privilege as a deterrent. If your child consistently avoids doing their schoolwork, you might restrict their access to video games as a consequence.
Whatever privilege you decide to revoke, it's important that your child understands why you're doing so.
The practise of removing privileges from their children has been effective for some parents. Many other parents almost ever or never resort to taking away privileges.
That special treat you give your kid every once in a while? That's a privilege. What your kid actually needs is a right. Food, drink, and the knowledge that they are loved are all things to which all children are entitled. It's a special treat, though, to visit a friend's house and hang out in front of the TV or play with their kids.
A right should never be taken away as a penalty for problematic behaviour.
Why Do We Need to Use Privilege Revocation?
Your child will learn responsibility for their actions if they lose privileges as a result of difficult behaviour. This teaches your child self-control and relieves you of the role of disciplinarian.
Short-term achievements, such compliance with school regulations, will improve as a result. Your kid will benefit in the long run from this, too, for instance in the workplace where knowing one's limits is essential.
Loss of Privilege: When to Use It
When there is no obvious repercussion, as when your kid violates a family rule by using profanity, a suspension of privilege can serve as a valuable alternative.
When other repercussions are not enough, the removal of a privilege can serve as a backup. An illustration would be a child who refuses to clean their bedroom after being urged to do so. Your kid can lose his or her shoes because of this. If your kid still won't do it, it could be time to deny him or her a special treat, like going to a friend's house or participating in an upcoming activity.
Who Can Experience A Drop In Privileges
For school-aged children who are mature enough to comprehend the link between bad behaviour and a loss of privilege, this is an effective kind of discipline. For instance, a parent would say, "Kid, if you don't finish your homework, you won't be able to go to the playground this afternoon."
Young children (those with an IQ below 3.0) may have trouble making the connection between bad behaviour and losing a privilege. Tools for managing toddler behaviour can help you raise a well-behaved child.
Children on the autism spectrum or with learning disabilities may require your support in understanding that this special opportunity is not permanently gone. You may find additional information in our post on how to handle challenging behaviours in children with autism spectrum disorder.
Steps for Applying the Loss of Privilege Framework
Follow these directions to implement the loss of privilege:
- Plan ahead the privileges you will completely remove if your child disobeys a rule, and focus on that specific area of their behaviour.
- Rather to just saying, "Kid, stop yelling or you won't get to play the PlayStation today," offer your child a reminder before taking away the opportunity. But intervene immediately if someone is acting dangerously or aggressively, like kicking or rushing out into traffic.
- Discreetly applaud your youngster if he or she stops the undesirable behaviour. Then, while your child is acting in the desired manner, continue to give him or her attention and praise. It's good to hear you using more polite language when you chat to me, kid.
- Wait 15 seconds to enforce the loss of permission if your kid does not immediately cease the undesirable behaviour. Kid, you need to quiet down before you can play PlayStation today.
Privileges, As An Example
Some of the privileges you might revoke from your child are as follows:
- cell phone accessibility or credit time spent in front of a screen, such as
- watching television or playing electronic games, that isn't related to homework
- time spent at a friend's house or at a
- party Boost a social activity that takes place after school.
Uses of Loss of Privilege and How to Apply Them
But if you must employ loss of privilege in your household, here are some helpful hints for making it work:
- The privilege you're removing must be one that isn't strictly necessary and one that you can actually enforce. 'No bike for a month' is a severe punishment that may be difficult to uphold.
- If there is a deadline, please specify it clearly and explicitly. Saying things like "Don't throw balls inside the home" is one such rule. As long as you throw the ball inside, I'll be happy to store it for the remainder of the morning.
- Have a conversation with your kid about the ground rules in your home and the results of breaking them. For instance, "We don't strike people in our house." If you get into a fight, you have to skip ballet class for the week. Post a reminder about the rules of the house and the repercussions for breaking them (such as loss of privileges) on the refrigerator.
- Carefully consider the repercussions before deciding which privilege to revoke. If your child participates in a team sport and they skip a game, for instance, it could have a ripple effect on the entire team. Most kids would benefit from spending less time playing video games online.
- Maintain a pattern of employing privilege loss as intended. This teaches your kid that some actions have positive or bad results.
When pressed for an explanation as to why they haven't been doing their schoolwork or studying for a test, many children will respond, "I don't care!" Learning what motivates your child outside of the classroom will allow you to better support them while they learn. Ask your kid what's most important to them and use that as leverage. Adolescents who are having difficulty succeeding often make what they call "thinking errors" in our interactions together. To effectively manage a child who says, "I don't care," you must adopt this attitude.
You won't change your child's relationship technique of postponing by arguing or pleading with them to discuss their emotions. Instead, you should try to persuade them that meeting their responsibilities would help them achieve their goals. Adolescents should be given opportunities to acquire a sense of independence; if you do things for him, you're preventing him from learning these skills. Instead of meaningless comments and effusive praise, many of our children's best efforts in sports are encouraged by their coaches. The loss of a privilege might be used as a deterrent when a youngster misbehaves.
Limiting your child's time on video games may be necessary if he or she routinely chooses to play instead of doing homework. When dealing with disobedient children, some parents rarely or never resort to removing privileges. The loss of a privilege can be used as a backup punishment if other measures fail. A child who, after repeated requests, continues to refuse to clean their room is a good example. Children with an IQ lower than 3.0 may have problems understanding the correlation between bad behaviour and consequences.
FAQS ABOUT CHILD'S MOTIVATION TO LEARN
Where does the so-called "motivational dilemma" come from? When we talk about a "motivation problem," we're referring to the drop in motivation that occurs when meaningless learning is forced upon students and they become passive. The so-called "educational crisis" can be traced back to students' reluctance to take initiative in their own education.
When children are inspired at a young age, they develop the habits of mind that will serve them well throughout their lives, including the ability to take on greater responsibilities and to engage in more expansive and exploratory forms of learning. In contrast, they become more introverted and vulnerable to behavioural and mental health concerns when they lack inspiration.
Having a desire to study is crucial. A student that is intrinsically driven to study possesses the resilience to take on new challenges, identify and develop their unique set of skills, increase their academic success, and adjust to the unique conditions of their educational setting.
Several variables influence students' levels of motivation. There are several factors that contribute to a student's motivation to learn, including parental participation, instructor excitement, rewards, peers, the learner's environment, personal experiences, the learner's personal interests, and the learner's self-esteem and self-image.
- Discovering your child's non-academic drivers will help you better encourage them in school.
- About school, having a conversation with them about these issues can do wonders for inspiring them to learn.
- Realize that inaction is itself a course of action.
- Realizing that your teen is driven to do nothing will help you see that she actually exerts a great deal of effort into this "nothing."
- Accepting that you have no control over your child's level of concern is the initial step in solving this problem.
- Managing a youngster who says, "I don't care," requires you to take that stance.
- Focus on learning your child's interests and passions.
- When you have a kid who never leaves his room, the living room is the best place to keep the computer.
- Get kids to work every day to earn their video games.
- The best moment to discuss your child's future wishes is when times are good.
- And keep in mind, it's not the best idea to lecture your adolescent or preteen into doing what you want them to.
- If your kid is employing delaying as a relationship strategy, you won't achieve much by arguing with them or pleading with them to talk about how they feel.
- The actions your child does are important to you, so tell her that.
- Taking your child's incorrect behaviour personally means attributing it to you.
- Use of this shortcut prevents young people from developing a sense of autonomy.
- No matter the cause of your child's learned helplessness, it's crucial that you cease doing things for him that he should be able to perform on his own.
- Avoid doing his assignments for him.
- And if you do things for him, you're robbing him of the chance to develop responsibility and self-reliance.
- Keep in mind that not all of the activities on your child's list will require financial investment.
- When there is no obvious repercussion, as when your kid violates a family rule by using profanity, a suspension of privilege can serve as a valuable alternative.
- When other repercussions are not enough, the removal of a privilege can serve as a backup.
- If your kid still won't do it, it could be time to deny him or her a special treat, like going to a friend's house or participating in an upcoming activity.
- For school-aged children who are mature enough to comprehend the link between bad behaviour and a loss of privilege, this is an effective kind of discipline.
- Children on the autism spectrum or with learning disabilities may require your support in understanding that this special opportunity is not permanently gone.
- You may find additional information in our post on how to handle challenging behaviours in children with autism spectrum disorder.
- Follow these directions to implement the loss of privilege:Plan ahead the privileges you will completely remove if your child disobeys a rule, and focus on that specific area of their behaviour.
- Post a reminder about the rules of the house and the repercussions for breaking them (such as loss of privileges) on the refrigerator.
- Maintain a pattern of employing privilege loss as intended.